Never Forever

"I will love you forever", we have all heard it-only for forever to turn into never, broken hearts, and broken dreams. From a woman who has had many "forever's" in her love life, friendships, family, and various settings, I am here to guide you into "forever with yourself". What does this mean? People, places, jobs, and things will ALWAYS come and go. What will not though? Forever with yourself. Your number one priority should never be another person or even your career you are passionately on time for every morning at 8am with your coffee hot in hand. Let's take a step in the time machine to last year. I made a person a priority, we can call him Justin. I gave Justin my undivided attention, pushed Justin to grow, and planned "forever" with Justin. Justin had other plans in the end, and forever fell apart like many forevers have leaving me in a state of questioning, struggle, and rebuild, though if I had laid the stronger groundwork of "forever with myself" the blow of it all would have been lighter. As I rearranged, changed, and grew, I circled back to build a stronger forever with myself. What are the steps to take to lay that groundwork? Well, how do you feel about yourself? Do you love yourself? I know I am asking quite a number of questions, though it is only when you question yourself that you are able to evaluate your own behaviors. If your answer to this is no, or I don't know, I want you to list 3 things about yourself you love and why. I'll go first. I love that no matter how dark and challenging life has gotten I never give up. What else are we supposed to do? I love that despite how disgusting people have treated me, I have always moved with genuine intentions. I love that I map out new plans when one plan falls apart. What did you come up with?

Next, let's talk about your vision. If you have no idea what you are doing in life that's okay, most of us don't and fake it, though you need to have a reason to get up in the morning. The point of life is to not find a point, but rather to make life meaningful. I am going to challenge you in saying it cannot be because of another person, a job, or something materialistic you want. Why do you keep going? I'll take the lead here. I keep going because I want to offer this world a version of myself that is nonexistent nor have I been offered, and to do so I will need to place a continuous string of efforts in regard to growth. For me, this comes in the form of self-care, an immense amount of self-love and expression, correction of my own toxic behaviors through accountability, and separation of self away from all that does not align with my energy. There is no one size fits all for growth, though efforts are efforts big or small. A small-scale effort of growth would be to set small goals. One of my small goals that I have achieved is to wake up early, cook breakfast, do yoga every morning, and arrive to work not on time, but rather early. Simple, right? Simple enough to lead you to your next step of change in all areas of life that will trickle down like a waterfall. Forever with yourself should be a love story. You don't give up on someone love. If someone has given up on you, they did not love you, they loved the idea of loving you though their dedication ended because you could no longer meet their needs. Loving yourself or something comes with unconditional placement of dedication. Even on the messy days. You know what I am talking about. The days where you are covered in acne, dark circles around your eyes, bed head, and struggling. Those are the days that shine how beautiful your love story with yourself is. Do you love yourself on your dark days or are you ashamed? Come on raccoon eyes, smile at yourself in the mirror.

Next, do you have your own set of ideas or are you a chameleon or a thought mimic? Chameleons are those I identify as individuals who pick up mental items or patterns from everyone they encounter, though most of their thought processes do not contain a single brain cell filled creation that they made themselves. What makes you unique if your personality was baked in the oven at 350 from the hands of 100 other people putting ingredients it? Many choices I have made in my life have not been agreed on by others, though it was the path I walked and choices I made. If you are swimming in this ocean we call life, unwilling to stray from the pod out of fear are you any different than jo shmo next to you? We can't all be president, but we can make a name for ourselves in our silent speaking. Silent speaking's are the ones in our head that curate what we will do in this world. What am I even talking about, you may be thinking? If you love dogs and someone you know tells you why should love cats, are you going to now love cats more and be a chameleon or are you going to emphasize why you love dogs? This mentality should be applied for all of your ideas because what you have to say, think, and feel will remain unique and strong in doing so. This strength allows for confidence. Without confidence you will question all of your decisions and hesitate to make them. 

I am going to close this writing chapter by asking you, what does your love story look like with yourself? Is it filled with pride in yourself, your ideas, the way you care for yourself? What is your vision?